Thursday, May 31, 2007

Depression/Wonderful art

I love this piece of art my buddy Janet Mishner did,it hangs in my living room. What I love even more is it captures depression completely. I am finally coming out of a very very long depression. So long that I find it hard to remember the real me before it. After trying quite a few meds I think this one is it! 10ish years ago when I first went on meds it took a few weeks to feel"ah so this is what the real world feels like". I understand they don't always continue on and you have to try new things again. Meanwhile I spiriled down even worse,felt like I had "kick me" on my back,and the world did. I quit my job and after a few nasty words walked out never to be able to return though I tried,alot of family problems to cope with and they were worsening,9/11,moms care and then her dying, hole deepened and I couldn't get out.I woke every day thinking of problems first.

Now I wake everyday thinking of art projects. I feel I can cope and have no control over anyone elses life but my own finally. Life feels good and I can't recall how it felt to feel I was dying of something but I couldn't name it.

One good thing about depression or bad times in history is lots of books selling,and lots of art being made. I know after major events in life alot of art is done because artists are very feeling. My art sold based on sinking into a series that came to me while riding in my car one day. It had to be done! It was about how 9/11 felt to me. Then also after mom died I sank back into art to work on my feelings,and they got published in "Legacy"magazine. You would think these wonderful things happening to me would cheer me up huh? I sank more.

"Women and the blues"was one of my all time favorite,how to overcome this books. But nothing works like really telling my doctor (I switched to)I am not well and I need help! I am scared this is just temporary. I feel too good and thats scarey. I am well enough now to know I must go on and if this worked maybe it will continue. My colors are brighter in alot of new pieces I am doing. What a wonderful Spring it has been.

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